In life, we go along believing that we are who we are, based on how we live and respond to what life presents to us-good or bad. I avoided new social situations because they felt threatening to me emotionally. I would rather be home alone or if I did socialize, it would be with family or people that I had close relationships with. It was familiar emotional ground that felt "safe".
Growing up, I interpreted that behavior as a definition of who I was as a person. I defined myself as a shy person because I couldn’t remember being any other way. Later in life, it was not clear to me that there could be a difference between who I really was and how I was behaving.
While there may be certain "in-born" traits we come with, responses or behaviors based on those traits are learned. You have probably seen a child throwing a temper tantrum and hearing the parents define their child’s personality trait as being "strong willed" or "independent". That is why they throw temper tantrums every time they are told "no". Is the temper tantrum an in-born trait or was it learned because it produced the reward the child wanted?
You might know or work with someone who is still throwing temper tantrums as an adult. Do you accept that behavior in adults as a genetic trait and therefore acceptable? No! Even a "strong willed" child can learn appropriate behavior to achieve their "desired goal" without falling on the floor, kicking and screaming. The way we respond to what life presents good or bad, is learned. Learned behavior is not necessarily who I really am nor does it dictate what I am capable of in light of growth and potential. More in part 2…
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Well written. Easy for me to grasp and relate to. Nice work!
I also enjoyed the article and the example b/c I have found this to be the most challenging thing in changing…separating myself from my behavior. I have behaved a certain way for so long that I have truly believed that was who I was, not that it was just learned and can now be unlearned. How refreshing. What hope for a brighter future.
Since this was waaaay back in January, I doubt anyone will be checking back with this, but I am writing all the same - just to start taking some baby steps and catch up emotionally to where all of you are at! Thanks for the comments and thanks for the Teaching Cathi. It’s definitely a challenge for me to separate myself from my behavior, or the thoughts of my behavior, because my behavior isn’t “that bad,” but my mind tells me it is way worse than “that bad,” and, therefore, I am a “bad” person, or, I was a bad person for a day, or two years, or wherever the thought leads me to consider. I have a very difficult time separating the thoughts from who I am. Thanks for making so much available. I know there is hope to live the more than abudant life that Christ came to give, but I also know that it is me, my own thoughts, that keep me bound in that prison. Thanks again! Kim